crack crack

Two postings in a day. What’s happening to me?

My ear’s becoming more sensitive. If happiness is ignorance of details of the life surround,
should I be happy at all?

Nah. Happiness is experiencing all the pain and being able to smile with all the creases on your face.

And here. Let’s be corny altogether and sing.

Created 30 April 2007,

happiness is.

1. being able to smile when you close your eyes while listening to that music that reminded you of bad times.

2. waking up in the morning because the sun is shining right through the blinds into your eyes and you have no way to hide under the blanket because it’s too hot.

3. being in the kitchen and realizing that you have all that food to eat.

4. eating something warm.

5. sitting in the balcony.

6. not being able to sleep in the night and realizing that it was not because you are angry because when you try to think again of what they all have done to you, you just don’t feel any trace of sadness.

7. not the absence of sadness, but more the presence of joy with a pinch of reality.

8. looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling at your soul.

9. a warm bed.

10. hotwater bottle.

11. those extremely light snowflakes that got captured between the folds of your jacket in a winter storm.

12. looking up to a street light when it’s snowing.

13. being able to think that you’re happy.

14. wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel after a long hot shower.

15. being able to add something to this list.

16. realizing that the pain is over.

16. 1. realizing that the pain will come again, inevitably.

17. eating your experiment.

18. biking leisurely with no specific direction.

19. feeling the thrill of a new bike track.

20. realizing that you have so many flashbacks of so many moments, beautiful and grotesque, intense moments, intense memory of space. It’s just wonderful.

•

Yes, I am happy.

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There is no treasure more valuable than the ability to cherish all and every single thing in your internalized experience as one concrete blackhole of acceptance and joy.

If you have a lot of experience, and an elephant’s memory, that’s when it gets even better.

 
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Challenge me, Life. I am not afraid.

•

thank you, ag.

The bus stopped. It was dark. I was asleep, and my contacts were in their case. As people went out of the bus I thought it would be a good exercise to walk around without my contacts. So I did.

I went out of the bus and into the station. As I walked in through the door I heard, “Yo! Mama! Yo! The floor’s wet!” and I continued walking. “Yo! Mama!” and I realized that he was referring to me – a black skinny guy, possibly looking at me. I couldn’t tell. When it’s night, and without contacts, my eyes are just really stupid. They can’t discern shapes that easily.

“Yo! Mama! The floor’s wet! Go out and in through that other door!” I quickly went out and in again through that other door. And that’s when I realized that he was actually a she, a very tomboy skinny black she.

When I queued up to get into the bus again, the Mexicans in front of me asked me to write something in my language. They were expecting some hieroglyph. I told them I would be afraid to disappoint them because I write just like a normal person from their country would write. I also told them that in my language I call reloj “arloji”, zapato “sepatu”, and queso “keju”.

They were fascinated. I wasn’t, because this has happened to me too many times before. I was just still fascinated at being called Mama in the middle of North America. Very fascinated, because the only other place anyone (well, other than my future children maybe) would possibly call me Mama is on the island of Flores, Indonesia – halfway around the world. Do these people know each other? They should, man!