two.
Two postings in a day. What’s happening to me?
My ear’s becoming more sensitive. If happiness is ignorance of details of the life surround,
should I be happy at all?
Nah. Happiness is experiencing all the pain and being able to smile with all the creases on your face.
And here. Let’s be corny altogether and sing.
Created 30 April 2007,
happiness is.
1. being able to smile when you close your eyes while listening to that music that reminded you of bad times.
2. waking up in the morning because the sun is shining right through the blinds into your eyes and you have no way to hide under the blanket because it’s too hot.
3. being in the kitchen and realizing that you have all that food to eat.
4. eating something warm.
5. sitting in the balcony.
6. not being able to sleep in the night and realizing that it was not because you are angry because when you try to think again of what they all have done to you, you just don’t feel any trace of sadness.
7. not the absence of sadness, but more the presence of joy with a pinch of reality.
8. looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling at your soul.
9. a warm bed.
10. hotwater bottle.
11. those extremely light snowflakes that got captured between the folds of your jacket in a winter storm.
12. looking up to a street light when it’s snowing.
13. being able to think that you’re happy.
14. wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel after a long hot shower.
15. being able to add something to this list.
16. realizing that the pain is over.
16. 1. realizing that the pain will come again, inevitably.
17. eating your experiment.
18. biking leisurely with no specific direction.
19. feeling the thrill of a new bike track.
20. realizing that you have so many flashbacks of so many moments, beautiful and grotesque, intense moments, intense memory of space. It’s just wonderful.
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Yes, I am happy.
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There is no treasure more valuable than the ability to cherish all and every single thing in your internalized experience as one concrete blackhole of acceptance and joy.
If you have a lot of experience, and an elephant’s memory, that’s when it gets even better.
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Challenge me, Life. I am not afraid.
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thank you, ag.
Pain, together with fear, it seems, are the only things that are real. Andrew, I’m sure he’s happy wherever he is now. I suspect that he’s in a grandiosity of love and all that good feelings. I choose the believe so, and I also choose to believe that when I believe, it is happening as I am believing it to happen. I am still not afraid. I hope you are not too. And do believe that you have done all that you could have done. Big hugs, always.